The "Fear Beast"

I have a confession to make. I have imagined you to be a beast. Fear does funny things to a person, doesn’t it?

It all started when I felt the Lord nudging me to start a women’s ministry blog last December. A place where we could connect and learn from the Word and each other. Not a replacement for Bible Studies but sort of an extension of them. So many of you are in seasons of your life that make getting to a Bible Study challenging ~ the mom of young children, the working woman who barely has a spare moment, the woman with a health issue that keeps her home bound. I thought maybe a blog would be a place we could connect and encourage one another even if we aren’t all in the same Bible study group.

So I announced my intention at a ladies leadership meeting, got started constructing the site and that’s when the monster began to emerge in my thoughts. When you are a fairly private person the social networking scene can be frightening. Something about the permanence of what you put out there can be daunting. Seems like life was a little more forgiving back when all your "goofs" were not retrievable with one push of a search button. Wishing something didn’t come out of my mouth quite the way it did in a room full of ladies is one thing, having it permanently "shared" out there in cyber space is another altogether. The prospect of it was enough to silence me.

Would I be misunderstood? Judged? Rejected? Criticized? Would I offend someone? Would I offend God?  Would I fail to honor Him?

Familiar questions. Taunting questions. Truth is these aren’t exclusive to just social networking. The same ones lurk on the edges of my brain and try to drown out the quiet whispers of His Spirit nudging me to speak His love to someone unfamiliar or to take an unpopular stand in a situation when the majority is against me.

Choosing suffering and rejection is such an unnatural choice yet we know that we live in such a world where it is unavoidable. I have aimed to teach my children that they will suffer and therefore how vital it is to know how to suffer well...yet here I am cowering myself.  Ugh.  I have been staring at an empty blog site for 2 months trying to muster up the courage to hit 'publish' for a potential audience of sweet sweet ladies for crying out loud. Clearly this fear beast had gotten out of hand.  I needed help...some Holy Spirit kind of help that works from the inside out and accomplishes what I can not muster on my own.

And He has faithfully spoken to me over these months in places like

1 John 4:18 " There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear,...."

and Acts 5:41 "The apostles left the Sanhedrin, rejoicing because they had been counted worthy of suffering disgrace for the Name."

My love is so far from perfect Lord, but yours is complete....complete your love in me too. Let me stand so amazed at you that I care more about the person who needs you than any threat of rejection. Help me to rejoice when I am counted worthy to suffer any kind of disgrace, big or small for your Name’s Sake. Help me to live that first and teach it second.

By the way, my much loved sisters, you are no beast....you are the beautiful body of Christ. In all your different ways, styles and colors you have encouraged me beyond measure and have challenged me to abandon all for Him. I feel so privileged to know you and walk this journey of faith beside you. I look forward to getting to know you better here. Please come back and visit often and hear the many voices that I hope will rise up and trumpet His goodness for all to know.